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snwbord508
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Name: Ryan
Country: United States
State: California
Metro: Orange County
Birthday: 2/6/1986
Gender: Male
Interests: God is my biggest interest in life. I wish I could say he's my top priority, but I always find a way to screw that up. I love being with friends... anything I'm doing with my friends is pretty much wonderful.
Expertise: I am an expert failure.
Occupation: Operations
Industry: Government
Message: message me
AIM:  snwbord508
Member Since:
2/8/2005
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| So I might have to go to med school. That's weird. Do I even want to do that? Could I handle being in school for that long? Could I afford it?
I think this is what I want to do, but I change my mind so often I'm not entirely sure..
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| So tonight, I just about had it. It was our second to last night on tour and I almost walked off in the middle of it. I'm just tired and pissed off. And I don't know exactly why. But I am. I know I am. James pointed out that this tour was nothing like the last and that, even though we are on a shorter tour than we were last year, I just kind of want to be done. It probably has a lot to do with the fact that I have fewer connections with guys in the group and not as close. We are just as crazy this year and aren't having as much crazy fun.
I just need to do something sinful. Quick. Or at least break some rule! Quick.
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| I for certain that the world around me is free functioning from my presence. That Christmas story, when the whole world changes because the guy never existed, I'm sure that would happen for a lot of people, but I know that the only changes that would be made if I never existed would be positive ones or many the same that they are now.
My sister probably wouldn't be throwing her life away in a month.
My old best friend probably wouldn't be constantly depressed.
My new best friend probably would've dropped out of APU by now and finally married th girl that makes him happy.
My roommate wouldn't be brought down by my need for inclusion.
My parents marriage might even be a little better.
I guess I'll never know...
But I do know things would be a lot easier for me..
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| June 17... holy fucking shit
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| I often wonder if people really know who we are. I mean if other human beings, from their perspective, understand the depth of the other individuals that make up their friends and acquaintances or whether they understand them to be totally different than who they truly feel they are. Or are we the people that other people perceive us as and, even though me might think that we are someone entirely different, we might just be who those on the outside understand us to be.
There is such a strong desire inside of to "show my best side" as I interact with people and do my best to care for and befriend them. This is not really some type of act, but only a prosocial behavior in where I do my best to show my socially acceptable side with my best insight, my deepest intellect, my most masculine voice, and my focused attention. It's not as though these things are not me, but they are often an exaggeration of me and, although I do not mean this in a boastful way, I like who I am. I really do. And I don't understand why on occasion, the me who is comfortable and generally unconcious about how I act or react, becomes very concious about all of my responses and, ultimately, takes away from the real me who I do like and want people to like me for, because it is how I act normally.
I really think I need a vacation. | | |
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